Monday, July 13, 2009

Michael Jackson was Murdered

So, not much new news has come up with Michael's death, well, news worth reading. I have seen a lot of articles that are probably not true floating out there about possible drug use, etc. I guess the media/tabloids want to keep coming up with anything they think will pull a reader in since they think they can still make some money off of this case. I did read that more than likely the results from the coroner's office may come as early as late this week. That sounds logical. I just pray, I pray so hard that this case is ruled as a homicide. In reality, that is what it is, a case of homicide, not by a gun or knife, but by poison, mental and physical poisoning. Michael was brainwashed by certain doctors into thinking certain things about medications, and his lack of medical knowledge and inability to trust people after being lied to so many times, it was easy for him to fall into a trap in which prescription drugs were involved. For starters, some reports have said that Michael was taking up to 10 Xanax at night, down from 30 or 40 pills per night. I don't believe he ever took that many, but for someone to be taking Xanax at night, that makes me think he was taking them, hoping they would help him go to sleep, not to get high. Xanax is more for panic and anxiety disorders, which I am sure he suffered from as well at times from all the bullshit in his life that people had planted there, but typically the medication works better taken during the morning for something like that rather than at night when you should be sleeping, unless he awoke to panic attacks, which can happen. But it seems to be unanimous that he did suffer from some severe type of insomnia which may or may not have been directly related to his lupus. How damn sad for someone to be that sleep-deprived, for someone to want to just be able to sleep! If he was taking that many Xanaxs at night, it was probably causing him more insomnia rather than treating it, which I am sure he didn't know that. Who would think that a medication that is suppose to sedate you can actually keep you awake? Wouldn't it be a natural instinct to take more? I wouldn't be shocked for a doctor, excuse me, a socioquack to tell him to take more. Someone wasn't looking out for him telling him what could happen, telling him about these medications and how they work. Just saying "no" wasn't good enough. Perhaps some people were trying to help, but he had already been fooled by the socioquacks. He needed the pain medications, he needed the benzodiazepines, he needed them, like people need food but can become addicted to it, but he needed to be monitored with them, he needed someone to be there for him and help him through their use, someone who had a medical background. He needed a true ally in his life with an understanding that he could trust.

Now, switching focus to this Dr. Conrad Murray. Though I think there are many involved in Michael's death, I put him at the forefront of of it. Though many are responsible for hurting Michael, mistreating Michael, and leading up to what was a slow death, he didn't have to die. If anything, he had his precious babies to live for: Prince, Paris, and Blanket. He loved them more than anything, and vice-versa. I still cannot believe that the concert promoter and/or Dr. Tohme Tohme is still trying to say that Michael wanted to do the 50 shows (or 31 shows, take your pick). I am pretty sure he wanted to do 10 shows, if any. I figure he would have wanted to do 10 for his children to see him and for his fans to see him that had been waiting to see him for so long. He really did love his fans. But 50 shows? I think someone knew that if they signed Michael up for that many shows, he wouldn't back out because he cared too much about his fans and he would never want to disappoint them. Someone was going to pimp out Michael over these shows and earn big time, and they knew they could take advantage of him because he cared.

Okay now back again to Conrad Murray. So what is the truth? Was Michael in the bed, or did he collapse on the way to talk to his doctor? Was he found shortly after collapsing, or sometime after? Murray claims he had a faint pulse when he found him, but had he been walking to the room, I don't think his pulse would have been faint. Had Michael overdosed on something like Oxycontin or Demerol, he could have been saved by giving him Narcan and getting him to a hospital. If Michael was taking these medications, then Narcan should have been on hand, just in case. Same for Xanax-he could have been treated with flumazepil if he overdosed on Xanax. Someone with a personal physician with them, living with them in the same house should never, ever die, unless it is from natural causes, like a sudden heart attack or pulmonary embolism. Dr. Murray should have saved Michael unless he died from something natural, which doesn't appear to be the case as of yet. But hmmm, why did it take Murray thirty minutes to call 911? Those 30 minutes were the difference between life and death for Michael! He didn't call because he didn't know the address? I hope the cops don't buy that!!!!! I am not buying that shit! A personal physician should KNOW the address, just like a (good) child care provider knows phone numbers and address locations concerning the care of the children at hand. I would have called 911 IMMEDIATELY!! Screw the address, like cell phones don't have GPS on them to know where one is located? I don't reckon it takes 30 minutes to figure out an address, either. Michael was only minutes away from a hospital that could have provided him with adequate medical care, but his so-called doctor failed him, to cover his own ass, I can bet on it. CPR isn't meant to be given for 30 minutes. Hell, he would have been better off throwing Michael in the car and driving him to the hospital than doing whatever in the hell he did during those thirty minutes. Diprivan has already been found in the house, and I am sure was used, probably right then and there at that exact moment, and that right there is responsibility for someone's death by being neglegent. What else did he do in those 30 minutes leading up to the initial emergency call? Was he trying to hide evidence against himself? Was he stealing items that were located in the house, such as money or jewellery? That isn't important, but Michael being dead is. Why, why did he do CPR on a BED!? He is a supposed cardiologist!! If he was that "frail", then he had no business doing 50 concerts! A good doctor would have stepped in! I am not buying the "frail" comment, though. Michael needed CPR done right, on the floor, with two hands. He might have needed Narcan, he might have needed this or that, but what he really needed was someone truely there for him when he NEEDED THEM MOST! The sad thing here is so much focus is on Michael and him being an addict, but he didn't choose to become an addict, people chose that for him, by hurting him with lies that spread around the entire world and ruined everything he worked for in life, and then further by medical negligence!

I never had the honor of meeting Michael, or seeing him in concert. I never had the honor of going to Neverland. I wasn't even a hard-core fan before his death, though I did enjoy what music of his I had heard over the years, and am just now realizing what a genius this man was. I never formed hard-core opinions about him either way or not. I just hated when the media called him "Wacko Jacko" because that is so damn rude. So why should I care now? Why should anyone? I do care, I care very much about what people are saying about Michael now, more than ever. I care about happened to him, what will happen to his children, his mother, his siblings. I don't know why, but I just do. I want justice to be served, and I want people to respect Michael for once and all and stop with allllllll the bullshit and lies. He was not a junkie and he damn well was not a pedophile! He was one of the most gracious, caring, loving people on this planet, much like Princess Diana. I just know that in my heart, maybe because that is it, I have a heart. I will always care about Michael. I will always be his ally. It sucks I couldn't have been his ally in life, but I will certainly be one in death, from now on.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Michael Jackson and Medications

It seems like all the current discussions revolving around Michael Jackson today revolved around his use of prescription drugs. The media seems to be making it sounds like Michael was just another addict, not addressing why he might have been taking so many medications. Medications like Demerol, a narcotic painkiller, and Xanax, a benzodiazepine, are notorious for their issues concerning abuse/misuse. But also, there is the issue of tolerance, needing more and more of these drugs to achieve the desired or needed outcome, i.e. relief of pain or relief from anxiety. And then even, there is the issue of withdrawal, too, creating this cycle of need. Michael was in a lot of pain, physical and mental pain, and suffered from anxiety, too, from the stress of the allegations brought against him. Then, you toss into the bucket someone giving him Diprivan for insomnia, which should never have even happened anywhere in the world. I haven't watched the interview with Dr. Arnie Klein yet, but if he knew Michael had used Diprivan in the past, did he report it to the DEA? I would think he would have needed to do that since Diprivan has no business leaving a hospital and obviously Michael was getting this medication while on the road, while on tour. I also heard that Michael might have been being treated for skin cancer on his face, but how on Earth could someone come down with skin cancer when they hadn't had any real sun exposure in years? I guess it is possible, I am not a dermatologist, but just seems like that would be a 1 in a million or more possibility without exposure to the sun. I don't think that vitiligo can cause skin cancer unless you were exposed to the sun. I hope Dr. Klein was indeed a good friend and medical professional to Michael, I really hope so. But as of current, I just don't know.

Just a quick offset - why in the hell is a drug like Xanax a Schedule IV, last I checked, a drug that is prescribed to patients and is dangerous as it can cause severe respiratory depression, yet a drug like marijuana is a Schedule I and has no such risks for respiratory depression? Why is alcohol available so easily when it can be more addictive than a benzodiazepine? It seems like things are really screwed up concerning these substances and others, if you ask me. Why as a pharmacy student was I taught that it is best tell my patients about side effects such as an upset stomach, muscle weakness, drowsiness, but I have been told not to tell patients about the more rare, severe side effects? I think patients need to know that something like Xanax can make you stop breathing and kill you. My grandmother died from an antibiotic which caused pulmonary fibrosis, and her sister died from the same disease but via another medication. Why were they not taken off of these medications? It wasn't like they developed the disease in a day - it took months to develop and they should have been saved. Patients need to read up and know their medications almost as well as a pharmacist or doctor, but hell, doctors really do not know much about medications. Prescriptions are NOT 100% safe. They CAN kill. I have also been taught in school that when it comes to using narcotics, most people are NOT addicts, and a patient should receive what is necessary to alleviate their pain. What if someone like Michael was STILL in pain? So is he an addict, or was he receiving the needed dose to alleviate his pain? Where is the line? It is so gray, it is so pale, that it really cannot even be seen. That is just ridiculous. These drugs should not be killing people!

I don't think Michael ever used drugs to get "high". I sit here thinking now, had Michael began misusing these drugs because of quacks that kept giving him medications just to try and please him, in essence, brainwashing him into thinking these drugs were helping? Or, could he have built such a tolerance that he needed such hideous levels of the drugs to alleviate his pain? Or, was he trying to alleviate his emotional pain with physical pain treatments? I don't think the media needs to keep saying he was just an addict and an abuser, but instead, focus on the drugs, their pharmacology, and give people, the general public, a better understanding of what these drugs really are and what they can do to someone like yourself, YOU.

One thing I noticed today - over the years, I witnessed how the horrid accusations brought against Michael in essence destroyed his career. It never destroyed his creativity and genius though, and he always worked so hard and his art was always, always so superb and I look forward to the release of previously unreleased material. At the same time, it breaks my heart that he will not be here to talk about his work and how he went about making it. It kills me to think the art we now see will be things he did in the years before, not recently, not now. But I just noticed today, when those people lied and accused Michael of child molestation, they not only destroyed his career, but they destroyed his life. No one should ever get away with doing that to someone, no one. It doesn't matter whether Michael was the one who pushed to receive the medications or not, I firmly believe he would have never been put into this situation had people not broken his spirit, had not broken his heart. It kills me to see how caring he was, how loving, and to see people try and destroy that, to destroy another human being, but not just any human being, but a human with a heart as big as the universe. He really cared about people, it wasn't a show, just like Princess Diana who worked so hard to help people, based solely on compassion.

I hope that someday a majority of this world will see Michael is a positive light, that they will focus on his art and music foremost, and if they choose to delve further, they will focus on the good things he did in life, his humanitarian work, his good deeds. Then from there, I hope people will see what a good and loving father and family man/friend he was. I hope the drug issues will eventually dissipate, and that people will not see him as just another addicted star like the media appears to keep pushing at, but will instead see him as a victim, a victim of suffering and pain, not only from physical ailments, but also from the way he was taken advantage of by people who were suppose to be his allies - namely, these doctors that need to be put behind bars, but also people who defamed his character and lied. I wish people would stop slandering his name and calling him names and associating him with something like child molestation. Like I said before, I firmly and will always believe he was innocent, and he was found innocent nonetheless, but I see so many people that to this day call him names and accuse him of things when they never even laid eyes upon him. It just stabs me in the heart because if you look deeper, if you try and for one second see things from his mind, his perspective, if you hear the things his closest friends say about him, I really do believe that it could change any doubter's mind about his guilt or innocence. He was not any ordinary person by any means, but it takes someone extraordinary to actually understand him.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Rest Now, Sweet Michael

I guess my first blog will be a somber one, but one that will mean a lot to me though. The death of Michael Jackson has affected me in a way I never imagined. Sure, I loved his music and knew some tidbits about him before his death, but it was not until his death that I realized what an incredible man he truly was, and man I would have given anything to have met and gotten to know on a personal level. He was a genius, a unique genius that was gifted far beyond just the realm of singing and dancing. He said that sometimes he felt like he was Charlie Chaplin, and being the huuuuuge Chaplin fan that I am, he really was like him, more so than anyone else I can name. He was a true all-around-artistic-yet-perfectionistic genius who touched the lives of millions, as Chaplin was and did. He also had many people turn on him, just as Chaplin did for his stance on World War II and the age of some of his wives. Chaplin essentially had to flee America, as did Michael when he left in 2005 for the Middle East. Chaplin was not considered strange though, as Michael was. I personally never thought Michael was "weird" or a "freak", I guess because I am what some people would consider weird myself. Seriously, how many girls do you know of that love alligators and would prefer their hair to be blue? Michael was unique and had a grand sense of humor, but would you expect any less from an artist? No real artist could ever be boring.

But, what is so sad to me now though is I never realized what pain Michael experienced throughout his life from the cruelty of human nature, yet here was a man who tried to help so many people throughout the world and tried so desperately to eradicate all that was bad and hurtful. His children are now without a father, his precious mother without a son, his siblings without a brother. No parent should ever have to endure the loss of a child, and it breaks my heart to think of his mother Katherine, as sometimes I attempt to feel what she is feeling now. It is unbearable. As for his children, he had to take on the role of not only father, but mother, sole provider, and best friend. I was so proud of Paris when she spoke at the memorial service, standing up for her father. She said few words, but her message was big and powerful and broke barriers. It pisses me off to see in the news that people think she was exploited or should not have spoken when three years ago Bindi Irwin basically did the same thing and was applauded for her speech, rightfully so. Paris had every right to speak about her father, to defend him, and to tell the world she loves him. She is a strong little girl, and biological father or not, she has the same strength and beauty in her character, exactly like her one and only father who loved her and her siblings more than anything in this world. Paris, Prince Michael, and Blanket are blessed to have Michael as their father, and nothing will ever take that fact away from them, even if he is no longer living.

Concerning Michael's health, I firmly believe that Michael suffered from vitiligo. The public gave him such a hard time about his change in skin color when it shouldn't have even mattered, even if he turned himself tie-dye! I have seen people with vitiligo before and you can't help but noticed how their skin is different and naturally think "what happened to them to cause that"? I mean, Michael already had such a hard time with people talking about his changing face and such, so I can only imagine what they would say, think, or do had he had drastically two-toned skin rather than the one shade which happened to be the shade in which his skin began to change. Why were people so concerned about his nose anyway? It wasn't like he was telling people to go get surgery on their nose! I mean yes, it hurt me to see him change his nose and appearance because deep inside it made me think he didn't think he was handsome, though he certainly was. But to me, he was always a beautiful person, and even with the changes, he still looked the same to me. I know that might sound crazy to some, but I am serious and mean it. But regardless, his physical changes shouldn't have mattered to the people who simply cared about the music and moves. Instead of people ridiculing him, they should have just kept their negative opinions to themselves and looked deeper within themselves to try and understand what would cause someone to do this, given him sympathy, and realized it probably was some type of cry for help. It was personal struggle within himself put on display for the entire world to see and the world to react to, and the reaction was for the most part heartless and crude.

Now comes the allegations that Michael was a drug abuser, or misuser. I hate the phrase "drug abuser". There is a difference between someone who does it just to do it, and someone who is so psychologically traumatized, or physically dependent, that they don't see any other way to cope other than to resort to chemical usage that is unhealthy. I am sure he had medication problems off and on during his life. But, just take a look at his life in the general scope of things. Almost everyone in the entire world, 6 billion people, know or knew his name and who he was. Now, imagine being accused of something so heinous, being accused of molesting and hurting children, and having some 6 billion people out there judge you when 5.999 billion of them don't even know you or have ever even laid eyes on you. Then, factor in that Michael was not just anyone, but someone with a huge heart, someone who was ultra-sensitive, like many artists are. Everyone that knew Michael personally talks about his kind and sensitive soul and speaks of his innocence. There is absolutely no way that these kind of false accusations could not destroy anyone's life. I know there are other people out there who have been falsely accused of such atrocities, but none of them have had the entire world know about it and judge them and call them such hideous names, plaster it on tabloids and on the news. Michael would never hurt a child or take advantage of a child, and I firmly believe that with all my heart and soul. He was a child himself in one form because he truly was robbed of his childhood. Yet he was an adult, too, and knew the difference between right and wrong, and he also had a conscious. He was naive in many ways, much like that of a child, and these vile creatures took advantage of him because of that flaw. I wish that those who have lied would come forward and admit to their lies and clear his name. It is better late than never! People need to associate his name for his work, not with this bullshit that had no factual basis and should not even be being brought up anymore! I know some people out there think he was guilty, but before jumping to conclusions, go deeper within yourself to try and understand this man who experienced a life like no one else. I am sure many did not know he grew up sharing a bed with his brothers, living in a two-bedroom house with 9 siblings. Perhaps from that, he tried to revert back to those simple childhood days, to attempt to relive the childhood stripped from him, to start from that point onward. And though I am not a parent, I don't care who they are, I would never, ever accept any amount of money if someone had inappropriately touched my child. I would see to it they went to prison, or that I killed them with my bare hands.

Now back to the issue of drug misuse. I have done some reading and it seems like his problem of prescription drug misuse occurred with each of child molestation charges, 1993 and 2005, respectively. No human on this planet can feel the magnitude of pain that he felt when he was accused of these crimes, pain that I am sure manifested itself in a multitude of ways. It is now known that Michael had lupus, a nasty disease that can cause a lot of pain. Lupus tends to flare up during periods of stress so I can only imagine the pain just from the lupus alone with the allegations brought against him. Michael also had physical pain from injuries sustained from his concerts and dancing. So, this would explain his initial use or need of prescription drugs, narcotic drugs, for pain. Pain is a legitimate reason to use painkillers, obviously. Then, you put into the picture doctors who gave Michael anything he thought he needed, Michael not being a medical professional himself or knowing what he did and did not need, and doctors who were not there to take care of his health but were their to take care of their own narcissism or sociopathy. These doctors didn't care that narcotic painkillers are dangerous or that they need to be monitored. They abused Michael and he didn't even realize it! They tricked him, mislead him, and ultimately, killed him and stripped his family, friends, and fans from a man who cared so much about them. Never mind his emotional torment that lie beneath many of his problems. Medical professionals have a duty to protect their patients and provide them with the utmost care, not kill them! I bawled my eyes out when I heard that Diprivan had been used to treat his insomnia. He just wanted sleep, eight hours, to feel rested. I am sure Michael asked for it since it appears that this so-called doctor Neil Ratner had given it to him before on his last tour. This Neil Ratner must certainly be without a conscious to have given such a drug for insomnia in the first place. Michael was intelligent, but he was not a medical professional and could not have truly understood the implications that could result from the use of such drugs as Diprivan. It doesn't help when someone who has no medical knowledge is tricked into trusting someone that they should trust to improve their health. Michael was desperate for help in many facets of his life, from pain to insomnia. But no doctor on this planet should have even considered giving him Diprivan for insomnia! Any doctor who was in on this needs to be prosecuted and imprisoned and BLAMED fully! Honestly, they should face the death penalty for what they did, because their actions have resulted in a death that was planned out and skillfully done! I know some of Michael's friends have spoken out saying that they tried to intervene. I think instead of saying he refused the intervention, I think it should be looked at more like he felt intervention would fail him and that is why he turned away from those who tried to help him and cared about his welfare. It wasn't that he didn't believe them or didn't want help, but he didn't want to deal with the torture head-on because it was simply too difficult. His mind was truly tormented, and as far as I am concerned, it affected his beliefs of what could and couldn't help him and also affected his ability to make decisions. He was brainwashed by psychopaths with medical licenses! Instead of joining a religious cult, he joined a medical cult without even knowing it! What a shame that people can take advantage of someone like this, someone that was so vulnerable for help, someone who truly wanted to be helped and loved and appreciated. Medical professionals should never take advantage of someone, someone like Michael who tried to convince the world he was one person, when the majority of the world thought of him as another. Now in his death, people should respect him in some form, if not just solely based on his art, and finally, finally stop slandering him and defaming his character. If you don't care about him as a person, then just stick to judging his art. That is what he left for the world as his immortal gift, and it is a precious one indeed.