Friday, July 23, 2010

This Is What I Get for Helping a Man--Setting the Record Straight

I find it pathetic I have to stoop so low as to sit here and take time to write something as asinine as this blog/article but I suppose I have to thanks to some individuals who cannot think outside of some sort of fanatical and/or narrow-minded box. I hold no grudge against those who are just confused by all the lies floating out there but have no remorse or sympathy for those who are simply mean and cruel individuals with nothing better to do than hurt, slander, libel and defame people under the guise of being a seeker of "justice" for Michael Jackson or any guise, for that matter. There is enough pain in the world from basic living that we really don't need anymore pain generated selfishly by people through their own free will.

During the past 12 months I have done a lot of research on Michael Jackson's death, mostly his death, anyway, because his death is a medical-related event and I have some medical knowledge and access to medical databases and medical professionals that can be pivotal into understanding how Michael died from a research-based standpoint. But, more importantly, I do research on Michael because I care about Michael and hurt deeply not just from his death but his life, too, from all the lies and pain he suffered for decades when there was no need for it. That is why I do not just focus on his death or science, I also write about the man as a human being as is evident in some of my blogs here such as "Have You Seen His Childhood?". I have published (for free, yes, "publish" in my vocabulary means "to be made public", not to be paid) many articles I have written (yes, I do write them myself) here on this blog you now are reading, again, for free, because I want to share my pieces in the hopes people, all people whether you like Michael or not, will better understand Michael and give truth a chance because it is a travesty for the public to believe such inaccurate things about him, about his life and mostly about his death as not one media outlet has in any form seemed to get anything right.

Some writings, however, I do not share though "inner-circles" may know about these writings as we all share things with friends or people we assume are "friends". There is a valid reason that only "inner-circles" know about these writings as I will explain later in some detail but not all as again, if something is to be known in an "inner circle" then not all details should be revealed as to why such is not public which puts me at somewhat of a disadvantage but I will try my best to work around it.

Some have decided to air their banal, albeit what was private, knowledge of one document connected to me. At times this document may be dubbed as a "book" in a jocular manner, but this misnomer is now being used in the attempts of making me out to possess some sort of "dirty laundry" or ulterior motives. I possess no "dirty laundry" other than what lies in my clothes hamper. For the record--I am not writing a book nor did I ever say such anywhere at anytime. I am actually working on putting a book together, though, which the plan can be viewed here: Everything else I write and will continue to write are articles or documents only and will be published right here on this blog in time. Some people are trying to use this false and weak notion of me "writing a book" against me though a) they have never laid eyes on what they base this claim on even though it is actually a completed, private work, b) have no clue as to what it even contains and c) are attempting to mislead people into thinking something I have written or am writing may be negative or what not when I have yet to ever, in public or private, say anything negative about Michael Jackson.

I would hope that I would find something better to do with my time than to write and do research that is contained here on my one and only blog (for free, again), as many times they are lengthy and highly time-consuming and even exhausting pieces. If I did not feel so compelled to help Michael I would simply call it a day from the behavior I have seen from the likes of some people but I must remember these people are NOT an accurate reflection of Michael and he does not deserve to be "abandoned" because a few individuals attack others in his name.

Not everything I write is public, either, because Michael Jackson's death is an ongoing investigation--please keep that in mind though not much investigating seems to be going on, to be honest, and this has caused me to rethink my position of what can I do to help Michael if it seems like nothing is being done? This coupled with so many lies out there has just about driven me insane because I sit here knowing very few know what I do on the subject of medicine but am not sure what I should do about it. In some ways, seeking justice in his death through the courts is already compromised from the release of information like the autopsy report, the search warrants, the details of Conrad Murray's defense that Jackson killed himself (which is one of the grossest excuses I have ever heard in my life that can be proven completely false). People close to Michael who know inside information have come out and spoken, some of which reveal positive information and some of which reveal negative, false and misleading information. All of those things mentioned above in many ways have damned justice for Michael when it comes to seeing anyone punished for his homicide. That does not mean people should not someday know the truth as to what happened to him with a thorough understanding of how something like this could happen. That is where I come in and fight first and foremost--for people to understand much of what they are hearing is not true, not because I say so but because science, research, and facts says so. I try my best to fix the errors I hear or read now but this is causing me so much grief and hatred in the process. I really do not get the basis behind it, either.

For the record, I did not know Michael Jackson. I know nothing beyond what I can find on the internet or in books or databases that technically a lay person could use if they knew where to find access. I do not relate inside information to to public, ever, as I have none and may never have any. I can only draw conclusions from what I hear or usually read and then write about them in a factual manner as nothing bugs me more than seeing something touted as accurate when it is not. What can I say, I like to "fix" things.

Furthermore, some things I write should not be revealed to the public as they are very detail-oriented and scientific and the public, by far, would not understand it or find it useful. It would be like someone who speaks only English trying to interpret Mandarin. Only medical professionals would be able to understand some of the things I write, so why "publish" (make public, not sell) something that would only lead to more confusion? If I mention something like the "CYP2D6 system", only a medical professional will understand what I am talking about, including a medical professional like Conrad Murray who stands at the center of Michael's death.

I sit here though angry because I see books being sold on Amazon that are filled with "medical research" when in fact it is research that has been used to concoct lies. I have written a blog about one such case here: It makes me sick to see something like this available to the public when not only is it blatantly wrong but it claiming to be based off "research" thus it is highly misleading, too. I sit here wanting justice for Michael and understanding for the public but when I try to counteract something like on my measly blog or make mention of me publicly trying to attack things like this I am not only getting attacked by people who believe these lies but by people who claim to want justice for Michael! Those who attack me and berate me--I guess you would rather have books out there that claim Michael was being treated for alcohol withdrawal when he did not even have any form of alcohol-related disease or ethanol in his system when he died.

Why would people try to discredit me when RIGHT HERE lies ALL of my public work besides commentary left randomly here or there on private or public forums? I will tell you this much--I am a firm believer in if you do not have something "nice" or in this case beneficial to say, then do not say it at all. Be it jealousy, intimidation, psychosis, hell, I don't know--people are just mean as Michael's life is a perfect example of such cruelty and people will go out of their way to hurt others. I never imagined I would learn how mean and cruel people can be by just trying to HELP A MAN who stood for love and and humanity.

Referring back to the claim or notion that I want to "make money" off Jackson, well, I actually use my own money and time to maintain a web site domain name and access to a web-building tool that promotes truth and justice for Michael Jackson, in a very generic form. ( I would like to see someone try to smear with me this fact. I will be waiting patiently.

I ask anyone who reads this blog to keep an open mind and go out and look for yourself at what is really going out there in the world of "justice for Michael" be it on Facebook or Twitter, TMZ or the Sun. You do not have to go far to look and see that there are wolves with half-assed sheep's clothing on that will use you then wring you dry if they see a potential use in what you may have to say. Do not take my word for it as I do not want people thinking I am biased. Go look yourself and ask around--the proof is out there. I hope after this little bit I had to say you will see that my intentions are pure but in reality I cannot prove it. You just have to make that judgment upon yourself. I hope you make the right call.


  1. Well said Nikki!
    People need to engage their own brain,before they speak.It would also be very helpfull,if people would not be so gullible to believe everything they read or hear.


  2. I see no point in people shouting off other folk. Have some courtesy, learn to agree to disagree. If you really don't like what someone says then have the matureness to step back and leave it at that.
    I hate arguing in real life and to see it on here is so sad.
    Nikki, keep up the brilliant work you're doing - and the same goes to all the other people who are spending so much of their time investigating!


  3. "During the past 12 months I have done a lot of research on Michael Jackson's death, mostly his death, anyway, because his death is a medical-related event and I have some medical knowledge" you call yourself a writter? Your blog is ridiculous

  4. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    so,ehm why are you here then??
    let me guess,info??
    ain't gonna happen i tell ya


  5. I wonder if part of the confusion is that people don't understand that in the U.S., if you say you are writing a "book" that can mean that you are writing something lengthy. Not usually a published book. As in, if you write a long letter to someone, you could say, "that was quite a book I wrote".

  6. Nikki, I am so very sorry that you have had to put up with the very nonsense that Michael went through for much of his life: the judgements, the false witnesses, the pointless and unnecessary condemnation. For what? For putting yourself on the frontline in fighting for justice, that's what. If anyone is has a bad word to say about you for all the endless amount of hours and time you have put into researching Michael's death, then they need to take a look at their hearts and ask themselves what THEY are doing that's so much better. Remember, "to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing" ~Elbert Hubbard. Much love to you.

  7. I appreciate your efforts, insight and knowledge Nikki.

    Saying "I've written" this and that is not the same as proclaiming oneself a writer. So she makes an editing error within a lengthy blog post...but you say 9 words..."writter?" Sorry to have to point it out "anonymous" but gee whiz!

  8. Hi Nikki
    I'm new here but have sure been to a lot of other blogs. I certainly felt your frustration. You have my sympathy although that doesn't help a bit. You do a great job!
    I have a question. Did Michael have A1 trypsin antigen and how bad did it affect his lungs? I'm not sure I phrased it right. I'm a retired nurse and read that a couple places but it's been awhile. You're the first I've encountered with a medical backround. Thanks! SB

  9. Hi Nikki
    I wrote the comment above. I you don't want to answer the question I'll understand. Probably shouldn't have brought it up. If you get a lot of info seekers and/or haters it's none of their business-it's none of my business, either. It's something I read. Thinking back I might have gotten the term from the post Halperin made online. I did NOT read his ugly book or anything of his since!! He must have a really nasty mind to write that stuff. SB

  10. @sburns:message from Nikki,she is currently without internet and apologises for not answering yet.she will do so when she gets back

  11. Thank you everyone, well, almost everyone! ;-)

    Sburns: To the best of my knowledge no, Michael did not have Alpha-1 Trypsin deficiency. Yup, that was started by Ian Halperin and he claimed Michael needed a lung transplant! Not true. A1T actually causes people to develop emphysema, typically at a young age (about 40) and it can occur without being a smoker. Michael did not seem to have emphysema. That is when the little sacks in the lungs lose their elasticity. He did though have something wrong with his lungs, though. He had fibrosis (scarring) and chronic inflammation. It was not anything bad enough to need a transplant but I am sure it did effect his breathing, maybe only when exercising but I don't know. I know it predisposed him to lung problems, like colds and the flu, according to the report. I do not know why Michael's lungs were like this. It seems to be from an autoimmunity issue. He had lupus but I think it was only discoid lupus (some cases can have systemic involvement though). Maybe it was idiosyncratic. Regardless of where his lung issues came from his lung disease should have clicked in Murray's head and he realized oh, I REALLY don't need to be giving him drugs that cause respiratory depression. He gave him four that night anyway. I wonder how his lungs affected him while trying to perform during rehearsals. I sometimes wonder if he did not have problems breathing on the set. :,-(